Cheers and cheers for Wednesday, August 24, 2022
Note: “Why did the knitting club never make any hats, mittens, sweaters or scarves? Because they were too busy spinning yarn.” (This ends Bill’s brief and tragic standup career in Portland, Maine, which will now show itself.)
By the numbers:
Day of Thanksgiving: 82
until the day Mainof windsor fair: 4
Number of consecutive days when the average price of gas has fallen: 70
Number of states where Republican insurgents have been arrested on January 6: 50
The number of Republican insurgents who have pleaded guilty so far, out of about 2,000 who are expected to face charges: 350
Minimum percentage by which Facebook’s stock price has declined in the past year: 50%
Number of Vice Presidents of the United States who subsequently joined the Union: 1 (John Breckenridge, Buchanan’s Veep)
mid-week Rapture Index: 187 (including 4 false prophets and 1 Neighbors from Hell). Sole Protection Factor 8 Lotion is recommended if you’re out walking the ancients today.
Puppy Picture of the Day: A litter…a litter of ducks???
cheers From the day after the battle. Voters in three states marched to the polls to choose their party’s candidates who would face candidates from the other party. November 8th (76 days from now) Here are the races we were watching like a hawk last night until we fell asleep on the couch. 7 pm:
new York: 1st, 3rd, 4th, 10th, 12th, 16th, 17th, 18th, 19th, 22nd and 23rdrd
Florida: 1st, 3rd, 4th, 10th, 12th, 16th, 17th, 18th, 19th, 22nd and 23rd
The winners were He, He, He, He, He, He and He. The rest of the species are too boring to bother calling. You can explore the results from Daily Kos Election Team here. And before I forget: The Webb Space Telescope monitored the election for viceroy on the planet Orpglorb-6, and we’re happy to say that we’d be the first from Earth: on your slimeside victory. Congratulations, puddle of goo with six tentacles and one eye. Reign with goodness.
cheers To change teams. In view of January 6th A Republican attempt to overthrow the United States government should have led to a stampede of GOPers leaving the party – to join Democrats in preserving the union, and At least To become independent or start a new, non-treasonous conservative party from scratch. But, no. Just a trick. So let this person in Colorado a gold star To know when to cut the bait All the fish in his pond felt rotten from head to bottom:
A state senator in Colorado is resigning from the Republican Party and becoming a Democrat, citing the party’s involvement in the Jan. 6 rebellion and denial of the 2020 election.
“I cannot be part of a political party that is okay with a violent attempt to overturn a free and fair election and continues to claim that the 2020 election was stolen,” Sen. Kevin Priola said in a statement.
He cited his party’s lack of action on climate change, His GOP colleagues said “constantly and proudly try to obstruct progress … and I cannot, in good conscience, remain silent about it.”
Welcome to Team D. We are about to discourage the filth out of you. But at least your conscience will be safe.
JEERS To the imperial retrograde. On this day in 1814, King George III took pity on everyone and ordered the British troops to Attack on Washington, DC During the War of 1812, the president and members of Congress fled while First Lady Dolly Madison, armed with nothing but a butcher knife and her patriotism, saved artwork and leftover mutton before setting fire to the White House. The 8/24 Commission Report later stated that President Madison should have heeded the PDB headline: “King George III Determined to Strike in America.” Damn you, 20-20 regret.
Brief prudence break
Eliminate brief prudence breaks
cheers to Today’s edition of Oh yeah, that’s too bad. Courtesy of this morning Huffington Post:
Longtime Republican strategist Karl Rove said Monday that former President Donald Trump’s ongoing legal problems are “sapping Republican enthusiasm” as the country heads toward the midterm elections.
The more we talk about it”the boxes of content at Mar-a-Lago” FBI was seized earlier this month “And the less we as a country talk about the problems of the here and now, the better. Democrats are,” Rowe explained Fox News Host Martha McCallum. […] Rove said that Trump’s problems are causing “an even” in the races, making some of them more competitive. Democrats.
This is today’s edition Oh yeah, that’s too bad.
cheers And JEERS matters As the week moves toward its inevitable conclusion (tomorrow’s rapture, so get packing), let’s check in with some of the latest economic headlines that we’ve plucked from the money tree to find out if we’re in our own backyard. Must start moving your cash from the secret hole. From the secret hole in our basement. Caution: Whiplash ahead:
» Gas prices fell for 70 days in a row, the second-longest streak since 2005
» 22 states have an unemployment rate of 3 percent
» Upheaval in the natural gas market spells trouble ahead
» Wanted: 7,000 manufacturing workers for new Intel chip plants
» Biden will announce student loan forgiveness on Wednesday
» china Return to coal amid record heat wave
» New home sales fell 12.6% in July as rising prices took a toll
» Streaming viewership surpasses cable for the first time
» Chicken wing prices are now cheaper than before the pandemic
» us Hotel prices are getting cheaper despite the increase in air fares
And this just in: Inflation is crushing wedding budgets and cutting guests. On behalf of all guests looking for an excuse to skip out on weddings: Thanks, dear.
Ten years ago in C&J: August 24, 2012
cheers To see red. The Mars rover “Curiosity” has received a diagnostic clean bill of health since landing on the planet’s surface a few weeks ago. Now is the time to get that buggy busy on behalf of the country! As an American occupier, it was naturally the first thing on the agenda Start shooting the place with a laser. It’s still too early for a victory parade with the Martian version of sweets and flowers (which would be, um, rocks and more rocks), but No Too early for “curiosity” to put up a Mission Accomplished banner (perhaps on a rock). On today’s to-do list: firing the Freedom Fries Launcher and spreading the starches of Jeffersonian democracy across a field of fruit, if by “fruit” you mean covered in rocks. Of course, if a real life form appears, then curiosity is ready It carries a glock in its codpiece. bring it on!
And just one more…
cheers To the spud stud. on the 24 August 1853Created by Chef George “Crum” Speck First potato chips— originally called Saratoga Chips — after an odd customer (Commodore Cornelius Vanderbilt) complained that his potatoes weren’t sliced thin enough. So the chef out of desperation slices them thinly and the rest is, as they say, packed in BBQ, salt and vinegar, ruffled, kettle-cooked, sometimes-even-the-history-of-tennis-ball-canisters. .
Here in the BiPM family, I’m not sure we’ve ever really thrown out an old bag of chips. When one gets down to one-inch pieces, we buy a new bag and leave the old one in the closet, making a “mental note” to “finish the old bag before starting the new one.” yes never happens And now we have chip bags from the Nixon years gathering dust and lord-knows-what else. Potato DNA may be congealing into the brain of a super potato that will fashion a raw body out of potato sacks and start a rampage that will last several years before finally being brought down by a giant glop of French onions dropped from a helicopter. will level the cities. And when that day comes, I believe someone will remember to update George Cram’s Wikipedia page accordingly.
Have a happy day. The floor is open… What are you making fun of today?
Today’s Shameless C&J testimonial
“bill in portland Main One is without a moral center, and he had a moral center. So, I don’t know what happened when he got out of the C&J kiddie pool.“
-Rep. Adam Kinzer