Cheers and Cheers: Tuesday

Cheers and cheers for Tuesday, August 2, 2022

Note: Klondike has discontinued production of its “Choco Taco” frozen treats. To fill the void, C&J is proud to offer the “Florito Burrito,” made with dog hair, cat hair, June’s leftover broccoli florets at the bottom of the fridge, half-baked almond shells, and more. Various vacuumed-up goodies offer a wonderful combination of all. Wrapped in paper towels, dipped in chocolate that melted when we forgot to take it out of the car yesterday, and put in the freezer next to the 122 boxes of choco tacos we’ve been hoarding. Bet you can’t eat more than one!*

*Because someone might kill you.

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By the numbers:

Days leading up to Labor Day weekend: 31

until the day North Branford Potato and Corn Festival in the Connecticut: 3

Minimum number of Ukrainian refugees us Have enrolled in five months Russiaattack, Biden kept another promise: 100,000

Reduction in the average cost of buds MainThe recreational marijuana market in the past two years: -41%

Current market price of weed per gram in Main: $10.29

age of Star Trek Icon Nickel Nichols and 11-time NBA champion Bill Russell, respectively, when they died Sunday: 89, 88
Number of years during which Sprite Came in the iconic green bottles, now being discontinued in favor of a clear bottle so that recyclers can use it more: 61

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Puppy Picture of the Day: Meanwhile, in Ukraine…

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cheers Up to the primary fevuh! After taking a break during July, the race continues to determine the candidates who will run in the midterm races. Today’s action is taking place in six states, and I’ll summarize them for you here:

Arizona This place is in the southwest United States. There are several hot races taking place. But at least it’s a dry hot run.

kansas This is where the black and white parts of the documentary The Wizard of Oz happened kansas There is some matter with it, but no one can understand why they keep writing books about it. C from Bob Dole kansasAnd Topeka There are crocodiles in the sewage. There are elections here today.

missouri What can you say about it? missouri What hasn’t already been said? oh my god missouri, missouri, missouri. J mississippi loan missouri to him new Jerseywhat will happen Delaware? I don’t know but Alaska. Ha ha ha Always loved him.

michigan My first full-time job after graduating from college with many honors and awards was program director of a radio station. Saginaw. Can you believe that until recently a suburb Saginaw C drawbridge On I-75 where it crosses Saginaw the river? An interstate highway…With the drawbridge! Incidentally, the Saginaw the river That’s what I tunneled down with a spoon to escape michigan In 1993. It was in all the papers.

ohio This is the nation of my birth and home as well Tony Paco’s in the Toledo. Astronaut and Senator John Glenn c ohioBut he is buried inside Arlington National the cemetery Because ohio Lost his smart mind about a decade ago and is basically no longer livable.

Washington Washington is the father of our country, but now I’ve lost my train of thought because my spell-checker gives me a red because it doesn’t like that I have two Washingtons in a row and believes that In error, which it surely is. It’s not like I’m a professional writer. Oh great, another red squiggle because I didn’t make Washington official, and yes Washington is also getting red squiggles for not having apostrophes in this sentence so I’m washing my hands of this nonsense and canceling all primaries there. doing

You can get all the informed, detailed and up-to-the-minute results tonight Daily Selection Team Live Blogging. I would rage in my trailer.

JEERS To act foolishly, vainly. Due to procedural tyranny by Republicans, millions of American veterans whom they claim to care for (more than Democrats, of course) are suffering from the effects of exposure to toxic burn pits while on duty in war zones. Their excuses are all over the map, but they all basically boil down to the same thing: they’re jerks who like to play games with other people’s lives. But thanks to a massive purple wave of public outcry (shout out to Jon Stewart and his big megaphone), there may be another vote today so that affected seniors can get the care they need. It is worth noting that many Republicans will still Vote against it. Some DNA simply cannot be un-wired.

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Brief prudence break

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Eliminate brief prudence breaks

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JEERS A first-class slacker. On August 2, 1923, Warren Harding’s heart went out kerflooey And he died with his boots on in A San Francisco 58-year-old mature hotels. (I hope it’s fresh and young, because that’s what I’m turning to on Friday.) Although he won his 1920 election by a landslide and was popular while in office, his legacy soon faded. had gone In their book Ranking the presidents, William Ridings Jr. and Stuart McIver (with 719 historians) ranked Harding last. But our previous occupant of the White House is well on his way to bump Harding up to #45 on the list, and they won’t need to change their conclusions too much to fit Lord Dampant:

Participants in the Ridings-McIver Presidential Poll overwhelmingly agree that Harding deserves low marks for his poor performance in every category.

His best rating, for Political skills category, apparently for his impressive electoral margin, was only 38th. He was rated as our worst president Leadership and appointments Next to last in category and Accomplishments And Crisis management And Character and integrity sq. Descriptive comments include comments such as “out of his depth” and “in over his head”.

The presidency calls for someone knowledgeable and interested in the great domestic and foreign issues of the day. Alas, Harding was primarily interested in poker, bootleg bourbon, and willing women. He was, sadly, just a small-town politician, an average man who demanded more than an average man, or as pollsters described him, “a friendly fool, incompetent, incompetent, Corrupt, immoral.”

On the upside, his hands were normal size, he wasn’t squat, and he didn’t abuse his Twitter account.

JEERS Stupid human tricks. with the Schumer-Manchin make 2022 a little better but not as much better as we originally wanted to make it back and the Inflation Reduction Act. (SM2022BBABBBBNABAWOWTBBAIRA for short) On the high-speed track to fame and glory (and, we hear, deflation), all eyes are now scanning the landscape for a glint from a familiar Jean West associated with Senator Kirsten Cinema. Will she support it? Won’t she support it? Will she support it? Can she support it? Can’t she support it? I have the definitive answer here:

Sen. Rep. Kirsten Sinema, D-Ariz., who Democrats consider a difficult negotiator, has been tight-lipped about whether she will vote for the 2022 Inflation Relief Act.Released on Wednesday. […]

A spokeswoman for Sinema said Sunday that she had no comment on the bill, adding that “she is reviewing the text and will need to see what comes out of the parliamentary process,” citing a Senate official. which determines whether bills adhere to the chamber’s strict budget rules. .

Translation: She’ll confer with her investment-manager bosses and get back to us five minutes before the vote.

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Ten years ago in C&J: August 2, 2012

JEERS To the liar. Mitt Romney’s little bantastrophe isn’t over. Now that he’s back on American soil, we can pick up where we left off, which Romney denied. anything Between 1999 and 2002 with his former company Plenty of shuttle bugs:

[A] A new report from the Associated Press reveals that the former Massachusetts governor made several trips to Boston to meet with partners and other key employees at Bain Capital’s headquarters while running the Salt Lake City Winter Olympics. The details contradict Romney’s claim that he has not communicated with the company since leaving in February 1999.

shocking And in the joke line of the day, Romney is branding Camp Mitt’s European trip “Great success.” He forgot to finish his sentence: “…for Obama.

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And just one more…

cheers To blow up this popsicle stand. With the lazy dog ​​days of August here, I thought I’d visit NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory site and see what happens this month when we take the closest lazy river to starshine and other celestial realms at night. what-not The big event this month is the Saturn All-Night Party Show and some cosmic swan diving, and here’s NASA’s Preston Dyche with a preview:

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This month’s full “Seasonal Blue” Moon is the 11th. Don’t forget to go outside, think Neil Armstrong, and squint at the full moon, followed by the tradition of the August-wink mantra: “Ouch-f*king mosquitoes.”

Tolerable on Tuesday. The floor is open…what are you kidding today?

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Today’s Shameless C&J testimonial

“I don’t want to see Cheers and cheers in the America Finally, the decline in C&J is going to have an impact on the general environment of the country. There is something frustrating about an empty kiddie pool.“

-Peggy Noonan

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